Traffic Camera

Recently I got a ticket from one of those traffic cameras. Isn't that some bull shit? Those things aught to be outlawed. I think it was for not coming to a complete stop at a red light. $124 bucks, dude. Seriously, those cameras are nerdy. I think we should find out who is responsible for their invention, and gut them.

Anyway's, this weather is certainly helping my mood. I was in a really shitty mood over the last week or so. The sunshine really helps. And the dry pavement. I swear, after weeks of riding in the rain, my tires feel like they are GLUED to the pavement when it's dry. This is when peg scraping takes place.

And I had a very nice visit with a good friend yesterday, that was needed.

So remember how I mentioned that I call into that podcast from time to time? Do you remember that blog post? Remember it? How I talked about that one show? The Distorted View Show? Remember? Well, I've been hearing my voice mail calls on a fairly regularly basis, about every third episode on average, even though I'm not calling in every day. But when I think of something, I call. One thing I didn't mention in that last posting about this show is what I use as my nick name, or my "handle" if you will. It requires a little explination before I just say it right to your face.

Like I mentioned, the show is offensive. The day after I posted that posting (there's gotta be another way to say that...) the host of that show used words that our society has deemed "unfit" to utter, several, several times within the first few minutes. I KNOW it's very disrespectful, but in some way, it makes you realize that words are simply letters in a row. It is when we string then together and develop meaning out of these strings when things  get complicated. So, as I see it, its more about the intent of the communicator, then the words themselves (even if the word is "nigger"). In the case of this show, the intent is to be funny and to shock. One (of many, many) examples of this is that he refers to senior citizens (especially the ones on mobility scooters that can't work the ATM kiosk at the grocery store, or, even worse, write a check) as "near-deads". I know, its disrespectful. Lets just move past that.

Cause it's about to get a little more "real" in here. I know to some, this isn't going to be very funny, and I wasn't going to blog about it until I heard my most recent voicemail call, and I can't help myself. So, that being said, my "handle" when I call in is "CJ The 33 year-old near-dead from Seattle", you know, cause I'm kinda like a near dead. Kinda? CJ means "cancer Josh" and was a nick name that two completely separate groups friends gave me, so I went with it :)

When the host plugged my blog, a guy who calls in on a regular basis left a comment for me on my blog (you may have seen it and thought "what the fuck did that guy just call Josh?"), he goes by "The Puerto Rican Fat Man". He requested my address so he could send me some Puerto Rican candy, cause if you gotta go out, you might as well be eating sweets (according to him). Well, the package arrived a couple weeks ago, and by the time I actually saw it, I was..., well I was drowning my sorrows in alcohol with a couple friends (hey, sometimes you gotta blow off some steam). I called into the show and left a very drunken voice mail message I only heard the other day. It cracked me the fuck up :)

So, the Puerto Rican Fat Man wrote a short letter that he included with this box of candy. I wanted to post it on here, but thought it would require too much offensive explanations. But at this point I think we can all agree that I am fist deep in offensive explications, so what's one more? He uses the term "boy pussy". It's a term from some audio clip the host of the Distorted View Show played once, and has been repeated on the show to the point where it's like a little inside joke for show listeners. "Boy pussy" would be a term a homosexual man might use to describe his partners, well, do I really need to go into that much detail? I think we all get it, right? The context the Puerto Rican Fat Man uses it ended up confusing me, but I'm going to post his letter, word for word:

"Dear 33 near dead from Seattle. Here is the Puerto Rican candy I promised. I'm sorry it took so long to send it. I was waiting for my heterosexual man pal Mr. Boy Pussy Jones to send an ebay package. Didn't want to go the post office twice. It's not that it's far away, the problem is the chilli's in the food court, I always end up eating there, and well you know, I'm fat.

"P.S. If you feel the need to return the favor, DON'T, the reason I'm fat is that I eat too much candy to begin with.

"P.S.S. If you are making a trip to 'places I want to see before I die', don't add Puerto Rico to the list. Unless it's a stop over on a cruise. Then you'll be here the least amount of time possible.

"Love always, Puerto Rican Fat Man and Boy Pussy Jones"

If that doesn't make you at least smile, then you are a cold, cold human.